March 17, 2015

A National Bird

Do we really need such a thing? What will a National Bird achieve? I can't imaging the Union Jack being altered to accommodate it's image so its just another one of those pointless pieces of fluff designed to take the mind off of important matters like which shower of incompetents are we going to elect to screw us over for the next five years.

Before I continue I must explain that I may come across as a tad sour today as I was due an operation this morning but it was cancelled at 5pm last evening still, could have been worse, Carl told me his brother was in his hospital gown when he was given the news. Hey ho, my recovery period will now impinge further into the summer's fishing so I may go and kick the neighbours cat later.

Back on topic. Given that this pointless discussion is in place I shall add to it my own pointless thoughts so here goes.

Were we to seek a National representative of the avian type back in our deeper history I suppose the Cuckoo would be right up there as, back then we had a penchant for invading other people's nests and letting the hapless occupants sustain us for a century or two. Bring the analogy up to the seventies and it would have to be the Kingfisher that represented the Great British workforce as every time you see one it's striking - bah dum tish!

Should this bird mirror us by its behaviour or is it just a popularity contest? I think its the latter as stupid, aggressive Swans are there.... mind you, they do have a foot in both camps. What does a Blackbird represent other than there's a lot of them? Do we want to be represented by a Red Kite? A scavenging bird that has survived in this modern world by hand outs or by picking over garbage tips.... This is harder than I thought as they really do seem to have much in common with large portions the UK population.

Robins. Beautiful little creatures that star on countless Christmas cards but really? Have you seen them when they get all territorial? They will happily kill each other as they scrap like things possessed over a length of hedgerow or a south facing garden. They really do have a dark and unsavoury side which again explains their place on the list. Wrens however, they are just short and loud so maybe they should represent ......... no, I won't say as they are not renown for their sense of humour over such matters, are you boyo.

Where do Hen Harriers and Barn Owls come into it? Can't see the reason behind them other than their charm and good looks and that shouldn't be enough to get you voted in, remember Tony Blair? - exactly.

Blue Tits. Surely Great Tits would have been funnier so they don't appeal nor do Puffins as they are too comical.

Have I missed any out? Does anybody care? Thought not. So here's my suggestions. If you want a bird to represent the people of the country then look no further than the pigeon. They tend to be fat and waddle about outside of fast food establishments where they eat constantly whilst making monotonous noises. They breed at a phenomenal rate and when they get together in large numbers they become obnoxious, annoying and tend to leave mess wherever they have roamed.

I can genuinely see no bird thats more fitting than our humble House Sparrow. Ubiquitous, charming and vastly underrated by most. To study the plumage on a sparrow is to open a world of subtlety and perfection of camouflage. To watch their antics, the communication and social instincts when danger is around is wonderful. Yet their numbers have plummeted in recent years so maybe a little bit of kudos from an otherwise useless exercise may just bring their plight into the Nation's conscience which may be a starting point to their recovery but no. They didn't even make the list, what bunch of great tits decided on that?