Graffiti

I appreciate good graffiti. Not all the tagging nonsense on ancient buildings and the like, that's just mindless vandalism. But, if you put a clever quip or comment in the right place then I'm all for it.

Of course there is always the traditional canvas - the back of a dirty van, I've had some chuckles whilst reading these. "I wish my wife was as dirty as this van" made me larf the first time I saw it, although copying another's inspiration is never clever. During the days when "drink a pint of milk a day" was the advertising catch phrase some wag licked his finger and etched "wank a pint of spunk a day" on a lorry - pure quality.

However, in the last couple of weeks I've seen the old standard "Clean Me" on a couple of vans but and it pains me to write this, written as "Clian me" and Clene me"! Lads (and I am certain it is boys), if you can't even spell a word like 'clean' then graffiti is not your strong point, take up stamp collecting or something.

On the subject of graffiti, I do see it as an art form and the more esoteric the better. I can now reveal the reason for Phil Bunyan being called a turtle botherer. Whilst he was working as a carp guide on Gran Canaria he caught - accidentally - a turtle, hooked fair and square in the mouth. Having unhooked the somewhat aggressive little critter, he took a felt tip pen and scrawled "Phil was here" on its back. I love this sort of 'art'. The idea that some other person may happen across that turtle and read it really tickles me.

I've been guilty of leaving the odd literary time bomb in the past but there was one that I wanted to do for absolutely ages and I realised my ambition a couple of years ago.

It all began with Wylie Coyota and his vain attempts to catch the Road Runner. I always liked the idea that you could put a little dish full of seed at the side of the road with, of course, a suitable sign and it would attract the target bird.

So, when I visited the Grand Canyon and drove the beautiful American desert regions of Nevada and Arizona, I came prepared and made a few stops along the way. I just hope that some following travelers appreciated my efforts.